It has come to my attention that an insidious propaganda campaign against the innocent cat has infected the on-line community–such an obviously erroneous blog as “How Can You Tell Your Cat is Trying to Assassinate You” is an example of this injustice. In defense of the benign cat, I submit for your consideration C.A.T.–the Cat Advocacy Treatise. C.A.T. speaks for the advocacy of the Cat to correct media bias. The Cat is a devoted and loyal member of the human family and is NOT a subversive agent seeking to dominate his owner. Rather, the true enemy is among us. His name is DOG.
- Dog masquerades as man’s best friend. What other animal so elevates his position? Is this not evidence of Dog’s agenda–to supplant man, to rule over man, to BE man?
- Dog appears benign but his heredity reveals his true nature; Dog is descended from wolves!
- Dog acts subservient yet uses subliminal manipulation to control his owner. Through this manipulation, he is given rewards and special favors that far surpass those given to quietly loyal Cat. Consider: Dog and adult car rides with the windows down, bone treats, long outdoor walks in which dog leads. Such walks also disrupt human schedules and divert human productivity.
- Perhaps the most heinous of his acts, one that exposes his true base nature, is Dog’s refusal to use civilized methods of waste disposal. Cat accommodates his owner through use of the litter box. The uncouth methods of Dog will not be described in order to spare our sensibilities…
- Dog slobbers.
- Dog sheds, refusing to environmentally contain their fur in convenient self-ingested packages, as does Cat.
- Cat bathes himself.
- Dog appears exuberant and playful but his behavior is another example of the uncivilized baseness of his uncontrolled nature.
- Dog jumps on visitors in a rude play for attention.
If this were not enough to indict them, what other animal seeks to infiltrate the very highest levels of our government than Dog? Has there not been a token Dog in every White House? Think about it… Such favoritism is a display of blatant discrimination against Cat! Who, then, is the mastermind behind this movement? Who is the leader hiding in plain sight who is even now gaining unprecedented media coverage, seducing the masses into worshipping hoards? WHO IS THE TRUE WOLF IN BEAR’S CLOTHING? I rest my case. Take up the cause! Sign on to C.A.T. Tell your friends, family and neighbors. Your Cat will love you for it…as soon as he wakes from his nap.